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Hello dear readers! It's great to stay cool in any situation. Once, I witnessed how one of my acquaintances just stood and answered in a calm voice to a woman who was screaming at him heart-rendingly. There was not a trace of sadness or anger on his face. She sprayed more and more, and he, as soon as he turned away, continued his story exactly from the point at which she interrupted him. This is self-control, I thought.

Today we are going to talk about how to be restrained and calm. They are excellent, which are so difficult to develop in themselves, but they deserve a lot of respect. Why do some people manage to do this, while others can get mad at an accidentally thrown phrase? How to become kinder to people and stop taking everything to heart? Let's find out quickly.

Self-control

Can you learn to be a calm person? Of course, it's just not so easy to do this, although the Internet is trying to convince us otherwise. Psychology, or rather glossy publications, hiding behind this wonderful science, gave us a bunch of practices and exercises. However, all of them are actually not that effective. Staying balanced when nothing touches you is easy.

What do modern articles and most books on the topic of tranquility advise us? In fact, you can meditate as much as you want, eat bananas, walk more, relieve stress in the gym, change the environment and do what you really like more often. What will change from this? It is unlikely that the next time the parking exit is closed for you, you will stand for several hours with a sweet smile, waiting for your turn.

The most important thing, if you really want to become more restrained, is constantly in control of yourself. You need to learn to stop in time. - this is a strong feeling, but any person is able to switch as soon as they begin to experience it. This takes practice.

Turn on in time

The next time you get pissed off, start by enjoying the opportunity to finally exercise your composure. Each subsequent time you succeed will be another cent in the piggy bank of your new, more positive way of thinking. Without these situations, you will not succeed.

Everything, you have identified the moment. They are trying to catch you on incontinence. Try to wonder why the person says or acts this way. It is possible that he really is an idiot. Was that your first thought?

What will you achieve if you start cursing and cursing right now? Surely, he has been living like this for several years, do you think that this particular case will be able to correct him? Is there really any point in saying or arguing anything?

If the quarrel begins in the family, think about whether this topic will be so important in a week or a month. It is possible that the situation is not that significant. If the event is really serious, think, is this the first time you are swearing about it? What did all your previous attempts to “fix” your neighbor lead to? Maybe you should put up with it, or at least try?

Aggression and screaming rarely produce good things.

Negative thoughts in general

We get used to being angry and after a while, even an unpleasant girl from the TV can drive us out of ourselves. We feel aggression, anger, a desire to hit someone. The most interesting thing is that at this moment we rarely guess before switching the channel. What for? We continue to feel negative and angry, reveling in our own

It is very important if you want to become more restrained, control and try to get away not only from anger, but also any other unpleasant emotions: upset. I can advise you a book “Smile before it's too late. Positive psychology for everyday life "Alexander and Yulia Sviyash... In it you will find a lot useful tips and practices that will help you become more good-natured.

In fact, these few tips and constant practice are what will really help you become more calm. Everything else is just a waste of time and a technique for calming your own soul: "At least I'm trying." Make the effort when you really need to.

So that is all. Until next time and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

First, decide if you can actually handle the problem; if you can't do anything about it, just throw it out of your head. If something can be done, try to do it step by step, step by step. An attempt in one fell swoop to solve, for example, the problem of "all hungry in the world" can strain the strength of any person. There is an old riddle: “How can you eat an elephant? - You need to cut off in small pieces and eat. Take a little piece of the problem and solve it first. Then move on to the next one. Ray Kroc, the man who turned McDonald's into a multi-billion dollar hamburger chain, talked about how he solves his problems: “I learned how to not let problems overwhelm me. I refuse to worry about more than one issue at a time, and I don’t allow unnecessary worry about anything to keep me awake. ”

2. Get all worries out of your head.
Train the techniques of "unloading" your brain from fear, hatred, fearfulness, regret and remorse. Imagine how everything that causes your anxiety and excitement gradually disappears from the field of view, becomes smaller and smaller in size and finally disappears completely (even a simple attempt to do this will bring relief). Dump on someone you trust with all these troubling questions that are taking over your thoughts, and you will immediately notice that you have acquired a more rational objective perspective. Write all your worries on a piece of paper and make a firm decision to return to these questions at another, more appropriate time.

An acquaintance of mine, whose father died many years ago, told me that all these years he was tormented by anger and indignation towards the deceased. His father was an alcoholic and naturally made the life of his family a living hell. Trying to somehow leave all this behind, an acquaintance turned to me for help. I advised him to write a letter to his father, express in it all his anger, all his grievances, worries and indignation, bring this letter to his father's grave and burn it there. Such an act had a healing effect on my friend: he gave vent to his emotions, let off the "steam", forgave his father, forgot about his indignation and began to live on.

This method works in reverse as well. That is, sometimes we should seek forgiveness.

One day when I was in college, I took part in an "interfaith weekend" organized by the Catholic Church. One evening we were gathered in a dimly lit room and had a conversation about the importance of seeking and asking forgiveness for all sins, for all the bad things that we do throughout our lives. We were asked to write about all our bad deeds that we could think of on small cards like postcards (I must say that some of them needed quite a large number of them!). When we finished the work, all the cards were attached to a large wooden cross, symbolizing love and forgiveness. Then, one by one, we removed our cards from the cross and burned them at its foot. Even now, after more than twenty years have passed, I still feel the silence in which we wrote all this. And when our "sins" were engulfed in a cleansing flame, sobbing and puffing could be heard in a room full of almost adult men. We hid our eyes from each other and passed bags of paper handkerchiefs to each other. It was catharsis - cleansing and healing. Each of us has experienced an amazing, unforgettable moment. This exercise can very well be carried over to the business environment and give similar results - only instead of burning, the notes can be sent to a paper shredder.

3. Manage physical symptoms of stress as quickly as possible.

Watch closely for physical signs of stress. The first signs of loss of calmness can be felt like this: chest pressure, tremors, stiff cheekbones and heaviness in the neck, creaking teeth, etc. Eliminating the physical symptoms will prevent further complications. Severe physical symptoms can quickly become problems in their own right. Initial physical problems can be easily relieved with simple breathing and relaxation techniques. Regular exercise is also an excellent way to manage your physical symptoms.

4. Take advantage of your faith and concentration.

Faith plays an important role in calmness. Let me remind you that faith is trust in oneself, others and / or a higher spiritual power in order to receive support and guidance when needed. Sometimes, in order to overcome an obstacle that disturbs our peace of mind, the advice of a faithful friend, reliable counselor, mentor, or priest is enough. Many people are afraid to ask for help: it seems to them a manifestation of weakness. If you believe in a higher spiritual power, then I highly recommend that you strengthen your relationship with it. For me personally, keeping in touch with God through prayer, meditation and Bible reading has always been the surest path to peace.

Improving focus, concentration is also very important. When you try to do too many things at once, you become distracted and disorganized. On the contrary, regularly scheduling our work and prioritizing things brings a sense of control into our lives, organizes our thoughts, and helps us avoid stress.

5. Watch how you talk to yourself and others.

When you wake up in the morning, tune in to a peaceful, contented and calming wave and have a positive outlook on life. It's important to eliminate all negative ideas from all your conversations - they lead to tension and stress. Remember, the words we speak have a certain effect on our thoughts, and they, in turn, affect our feelings and actions.

6. Strive for more balance in your life.

Achieving balance in life can be difficult for you. If you are like most people, then you probably noticed that if you pay attention to one side of life - for example, a career, then you inevitably have to sacrifice others, - say, personal relationships (with your "other half", children, friends, etc. etc.). A balanced life is not a static concept. Rather, it is a living, dynamic and constantly changing (sometimes unexpected) phenomenon.

The main thing is to simply identify the most important components of life balance (spirituality, relationships, money, career, education, health, etc.) and be able to prioritize them according to their relative importance. Once you have compiled such a list of priorities, it immediately becomes easier to assess how we really live versus how we would like to live, after which it is easy to make the necessary adjustments.

Restraining force requires the use of colossal self-discipline, although at first glance it contradicts what we believe to be the basis of success: we associate progress with activity and speed. But restraining power is very important and, when applied effectively, can produce powerful results.

In our life, every person needs all problems and issues to be resolved quickly and efficiently. It is these people who achieve greater happiness and success in life than others, who are always nervous and worried about every little thing in life, wasting energy and precious time in vain. Everyone needs to learn and become calmer and more balanced to make life even better and happier.

Why are you worried and nervous

First, ask yourself this question, and then move on to solving the problem. Without knowing the reasons why you constantly feel anxiety, you will not be able to fully and effectively cope with this problem and become happier. Write on a piece of paper all those points that you think make sense to harm you and prevent you from becoming calmer and more balanced. Gradually, you will eliminate these problems and thereby achieve the desired result.

Do not envy!

In no case is it unnecessary to envy people, even if they are really happy and successful. Take care of your life and become yourself as successful and happy. Envy, you block the path to happiness and success, waste your precious time, start worrying and nervous that you did not become happy like them, which takes a lot of energy and strength. Therefore, if you want to become calmer and more balanced, read: protection from envy. And you, applying the recommendations given in the presented article, will become better and more successful and achieve what you want.

Get creative.

Most perfect option become calmer and more balanced, is to simply do creative work, preferably one that suits you best and suits you. For this, of course, it will take time to look for and choose such a job. But when you do all this and start doing business, then becoming calmer and more balanced will not be a problem for you. Remember that in life you always need to do what brings joy, even if it is not yet paid for.

Controlling emotions and thoughts.

Also, in order to become calmer and more balanced, you need to start analyzing and controlling all your thoughts and emotions. Thus, a person, controlling himself, will create only positive thoughts and emotions, which is very good. Moreover, it is enough to carry out control within a month, and then everything will work automatically and out of habit, control will no longer be necessary, but it is necessary to maintain the positive, and it is useful not to perceive the negative. Just find the source of this energy in life and draw from it everything you need.

Follow through to the end.

In most cases, a person who has set goals for himself does not reach them completely and abandons the goal halfway to success due to all sorts of problems and failures. Remember one thing that failure is the only path to happiness and success. Therefore, no matter what, achieve your goal to the end, even if you are lucky after failure. What does not kill us makes us stronger, so boldly strive for your goal, since having achieved it you can not only become more successful, happier, but also calmer and more balanced due to the fact that you feel the joy that you have finally reached your goal. But without fail, you cannot stop at this, and begin to create even new and larger goals, to which it will be even more difficult to go, but this accordingly strengthens the character, and you will already achieve more than from small goals.

Dream .

What would become calmer and more balanced , you need not sleep 8 hours, but as much as you want. If 4 hours of sleep is enough for a person, this is not a disease, you need to rejoice, since you will do more than the rest by 4 hours, and even more, since there are those who sleep even 10 hours, and this is also not a disease. The body in a person is diverse, and there are no people, the same, who need to sleep the same amount of time. After all, everything is quite the opposite, if a person sleeps a little and forces himself to sleep more, then this is the problem, since you torment and kill your body. If you sleep 4 hours a day and feel good, what is the problem here? There is no problem, there are new opportunities and a lot of time for new successes and victories.

Change your life.

The most interesting and effective way to become calmer and more balanced is to simply change your life. But for this you need to spend a little time and create this life, first in your mind, and then realize it in life. Read more about this: how to change your life for the better, and you will become as successful as you imagined it in your subconscious mind. A person with his thoughts and dreams, if they are rooted in his head, creates his own reality, so be careful with desires, they have the effect of coming true. Butand it is unnecessary to be afraid of good desires, as they will make you better.

Nutrition .

Also remember that what we eat is what we are. Therefore, in order to become calmer and more balanced, eat what you like, but do not overeat and create your own diet. You do not need to ask nutritionists and other specialists to do this, since your body knows more than others what it needs and how much. And be sure to give up alcohol and other harmful and unhelpful foods, as they will turn all your healthy and high-quality food into harmful and substandard.

How sorry we are to look at ourselves, at the moment when we break down on our close friends. They are not guilty of anything, but we ourselves present our claims regarding their position. Just when they did not pay attention to how to become balanced. Then all problems will disappear, and we will sigh with all our broad breasts.

The first step is to approach this issue slowly. Thoroughly, pondering everything, otherwise we will be mired with all stupidity in the pit of the unknown. Let's move away from household chores, concentrate as much as possible and solve the issue quickly, but in the right direction. Consider the typical ways that the most calm and humble people use.

At first, everyone has their own approaches, and they all guarantee them victory. The only difference is how fast. Therefore, when such a person catches your eye, do not try to convince him. It will not work, all are just another fairy tales. Humble yourself and that's it. At the same time, observe his internal state at the time of the action. Whether he is calm, there are lights of the joy of creation on his face.

Surely you will improve your methods even more. Nobody forbade us to change our established views. All unhappiness comes from the lifestyle you lead. Maybe it's a dangerous job, and there they only do what they yell at you? In my opinion, we are most important.

So change this environment. It is to the desired. This is the law. By itself, all disgust and disgust will go away. Indeed, why not? Without even giving yourself a chance, you can achieve nothing.

At first, self-love is great, it should be. Therefore, we will not break once again, our poise will be at its best. It is extremely unprofitable to expose to torment and suffering. Only an inveterate loafer will suffer so much, and the most amazing thing is that every day more and more. Observed a curious type I, once. In the near 2008.

His actions not only showed indifference to others, but it was probably worth crying at the sight of what he was doing with himself. He quarreled for no reason, and the serene watched him. A truly stormy sight. Agree, this rarely comes across, but it is unrealistic not to pass by this. Preparedness for how to become balanced.

1. When you are very lucky, pause for a couple of minutes. Think about it, maybe you will be able to take on your shoulders even more load? For example, we made it to a business meeting, although we left 3 minutes before it started. So you can boast, flatter yourself. At the same time, you will also meet new people. That's the whole surprise. And sometimes we lose sight of it. You can take this for a crime.

You are completely healthy. It is difficult to understand those who do not appreciate it at all and do not count it as a plus. Some cannot foresee this, and at the same time they begin to run from one place to another.

2. There is no consistency. It's pretty scary if they can't motivate themselves. Do not believe someone who says that it makes no sense to do what you are doing. This is not true, many millions of people suffer from such nonsense.

3. A balanced person is obliged to find balance. So that sharp drops are not so noticeable and tangible, start. In the moment of laughter, hold on to this emotion, no matter what. Such a wonderful charge should be enough for the whole day. This is not a toy, not a game cube. This is your life, you are responsible for it. Take it openly without yelling. The silent ones enviably watch you in a difficult situation. And do not get rid of the skill of how to become balanced.

Always want more. Do not resist the main law of nature, you earned the right amount of money, you want even more right there. Your life will go like a fairy tale, only forward.

4. Fate brightly and loudly applauds those who fight every day. It is difficult not to reckon with this, otherwise there would be no successful people. After all, not only they created favorable moments for themselves, they were helped in this by unprecedented circumstances. Desire is powerful, and how effective it will be depends only on you.

5. Gradually, the state will become more balanced. And he will not want to dwell on the past, a secret inner voice tells about the present. A foundation, lean on it in case of anger. Always share with victory. One is not at all like that, not idle. It is disgusting to rejoice. Having shared with someone, we, seeing the smile on his face, imperceptibly rejoice in this

6. It is given to everyone for some wonderful reason that we forget to use the opportunities. The core, as a rule, is in the life of any family. For example, some consider a win as a surprise, while others consider the same as a failure. So everyone has different concepts about it. Sit down at your desk and write down the things that you think are true.

This will make it easier to seize the chance. What if you neglect it? You could get hurt badly. How? Skip past yourself. What could be worse than such an act? Make pity, of course. The balanced do not do that. It is incomparable, no matter how you try to resist it. So, figured out, let's move on.

7. Get a rosary. And do not belittle their importance, because for some purpose they were created? It can be seen that only those who have thought of this before, who most rationally want to "burn" their lives. Prayers before bed and at night will satisfy the "hunger" in full. I have to speak up, do it as usual.

Increased physical activity helps to get rid of bad negativity. You are tired, your body aches. Anyone can say that you are kind and sympathetic. The voice is extremely quiet, there is no anger. May be considered a madman!

8. Always know what a bad business is. And nobody else knows. The heart is beating so hard, and you can hear it far away! Get yourself an idea of ​​how to become balanced without the difficulties of creating. All multilateral personalities will confirm this opinion. Just because it's true. Having already read this article, you are convinced that every day is an additional chance and incentive. Even regardless of whether we want it and how much. Please, we climbed to the very top. I think you will only be glad.

I deeply hope that the above information has helped. Everywhere there is a way out, the problem is not knowing it. You will be able to fix this, you are a hero, if not, then, as an ordinary person, you will have to work and not leave the race in advance.

Nervous people are shunned and slightly intimidated. It is unpleasant to deal with a person who at any moment can flare up, get agitated, burst into tears - in general, behaves unpredictably. In order not to be considered a person with shattered nerves, learn to control the manifestation of emotions.

Remember the cat Leopold with his unbending optimism - "We will survive this"? And Carlson's favorite advice - “Calm, only calm”?

It was not in vain that cartoon characters taught us to remain calm in any situation. An irritable person who loses his temper quickly is unable to work effectively and make difficult decisions.

Nervous people are less "loved", they are infrequent guests at parties (see ""). Any little thing - a foot crushed in the subway or dirt on your boots - can turn a seemingly normal person into a furious fury. How do you deal with aggressiveness? How to reduce stress and not get angry with others?

Physical methods of self-control

A very simple way to keep the abuser from backing off and not lashing out at others is to start controlling your breathing. As soon as a wave of anger is ready to cover you with your head, do breathing exercises - breathe “squarely”.

It has been noticed that people breathe differently at different periods of their activity - changing their nostrils and the way they breathe. "In a square" - this means first the left nostril, then the right, then the belly and at the end of the cycle with the chest. Even focusing on how you breathe will distract you from the insult, and you yourself will not notice that the situation no longer irritates you and you are even ready to laugh at it.

An even easier way is to hold your breath and exhale slowly after half a minute. Holding your breath will slightly decrease your brain activity.

Remember how rarely a sleeping person breathes - at these moments he is serene and no trifle will make him angry. As a prevention of nervous overstrain, you can meditate daily - for half an hour, no more is needed (see ""). Just get yourself into a state of half-sleep with slow, controlled breathing.

Something pleasant will help you quickly get away from troubles. Think about what gives you at least a short-term pleasure - maybe it is a cake or a cup of tea? The main thing is that this something should be simple and quickly doable. If you choose something tasty as a sedative, do not forget to control yourself so as not to gain excess weight.

If at work or at home you constantly get a portion of unpleasant sensations, start playing sports, preferably with elements of competition. This is where you can throw off the accumulated aggression - by driving the ball into the opponent's goal or overtaking it at the stadium. In the event that such active sports are not suitable for you, do yoga. This is a difficult practice, but after mastering it, you will find “universal” peace.

Psychological ways of self-control

If you have a constant level of stress at work and simple actions don't help, master more advanced techniques:

Try not to aggravate the situation by retelling it to all your friends and acquaintances. Even with the best of intentions, they will pity you and only provoke you. First, go through the difficulties within yourself, maybe it turns out that there is nothing to share.

Instead of throwing and throwing in a state of stress, sit down and think about what the most restrained and calm person around you would do in your place.

Imagine yourself calming down without yelling. Or you can just remember a similar situation when you were still able to control yourself and not shout at your loved ones.

Write down a list of your personal irritants. If you know the enemy by sight, it is easier to deal with him.

Between different kinds activities take the time to switch. For example, before you go home from work, sit on a bench for a few minutes and catch your breath. So you seem to leave work problems at work and are ready to meet your family in a good mood.

Start leading a healthy lifestyle - get enough sleep, eat according to the regimen, try not to get carried away with caffeine and other energy drinks. Try drinking mate or rooibos daily. This tea is not only tasty, but also beneficial for the nervous system. Be sure to exercise your body on a regular basis. Light fatigue promotes sound sleep and a decrease in the threshold of irritability.

Each person needs calmness - both his own and the balance of others. Remember, nerve cells don't regenerate. And the more often you lose your temper over trifles, the more difficult it will be for you to be in society. Start working on yourself right now, and then tomorrow's traffic jam will not work on you as usual.